Krampus…now some of you musicians out there might instantly
think of the punk band the Kramps, well if that’s what you think this is about
then you would be wrong. This is actually the real story of Bad Santa and not
the funny one that started Bernie Mack, God Bless his soul, and creepy Billy
Bob Thornton who reminds me of an A list late night horror host. No, Krampus is
about a lesser known Christmas holiday tradition…a tradition of evil and your
basic children kidnapping as in every single other creepy story out there such as
the Boogieman or Slenderman to name a few.
You see what people never really knew and what you never see
on such sappy Christmas Holiday TV specials is that according to the legend and
lore of the Alpine countries of Europe Santa had a helper. Yes we know about
the elves and Mrs. Clause, but this other helper really isn’t so much a helper,
but more of a partner…an evil partner. You see Krampus, unlike good ole Saint
Nick, travels with the jolly old fat man and when they come upon a house with
good and r bad children a few things unfold. If the child is good then Saint
Nick, with the rosy cheeks and heart of gold, gives the child gifts of candy
and toys..well what happens if the child is naughty? Well if the child is
naughty then Krampus takes over, Krampus takes the child, stuffs it into his
sack and then carries the scared child away into the night to its lair to be
devoured. I dot know about you, but the threat of coal or onion in my stocking
for being naughty during the year sure as hell sounds a lot better than this
alternate alternative to being naughty.
Now Krampus has been depicted in a number of ways, one form
is that of a beast like creature with giant horns and white fur…very demonic in
style. The other form is that of an evil looking old man to which he looks
completely different than his cookie eating counterpart Saint Nick. The
apparent tradition is that around or on December 5th people dressed
as Krampus roam the streets ringing bells and wearing rusty chains frightening
children…and who says good parenting has gone away.
Krampus has different variations based upon the region in
which the story is being told, but it has the same roots and traditions as the
original legend. Now the Catholic church and even the government has banned the
creature years ago citing that it is inappropriate to children, because somehow
what they watch on TV during the rest of the year is totally appropriate.
My thought goes to Saint Nick, what is he doing during all
of this, he has to be just as demonic and demented as Krampus. I mean Krampus
is a demon so it is expected of him to act in such a way, but saint Nick just
stands there and lets him get away with stealing and eating children. This loveable
icon of the Christmas Holidays, the jolly old fat man who wouldn’t hurt a fly,
stands there and lets this happen…now that is some seriously messed up stuff.
So maybe our putting of Santa Clause up on such a high pedestal is not in the
best interest of us. Santa Clause is a classic James Bond villain, he comes off
all nice and innocent like a savior yet the whole time he has an evil side that
if you get in the way he will make you pay…I guess the whole joke of mixing the
words of Santa to spell Satan really isn’t that far off from accuracy.
So as you snuggle in for the night before Christmas and you
have the milk and cookies out for the jolly ol Saint Nick, you might want to
make sure you lay out a few bear traps, claymore land mines and pack some heat
when going to sleep…and Im talking about the 9mm kind. You never know if by the
standards of Krampus and Saint Nick you’re either naughty or nice and you sure
as hell don’t want to take any chances. And of course Scooby-Doo did an episode
based upon Krampus as well.
Be safe and poison the cookies for both are evil,
Jon Bolton (@JohnCannonTBS)
No comments:
Post a Comment